Sweetly broken....

My apologies for not posting sooner and keeping up as frequently as I originally had planned when I started this blog. To be honest I just haven't felt like there was much to write about that would be of any interest to you all and I also don't have any new pictures to post. (Well that's not entirely true. I do but they are of the kids again in the snow and after looking at them they look like all the other pics that we have of them in the snow since there is so much snow!) Anyway back to my thoughts....I have decided to just post about what is really going on in my head and heart right now. Its not all fun and happy looking but please be assured that my focus is upward and I am persevering. When the Lord revealed to Rob and me over two years ago that we would one day head to NH to live I never imagined that it would look like this! In fact, as many of you know I wasn't to thrilled with the thought to begin with but trusted the Lord to change my heart and also knew that with obedience brings blessings! In fact, as I look back on the last two years, the Lord has been incredibly faithful and the blessings are bountiful. He even slowly changed my heart; I developed a deep desire to follow the Lord's leading, wanted to follow the leadership of my husband, and even had moments of excitement at the adventure ahead! All that being true I write today feeling disappointed. I keep trying to let go of my hopes, desires, and expectations and let the Lord give me His dreams for my life but its so hard! We are fast approaching a year that we have been out of our own home and living with both sets of parents. I ache for my own home, decorated with my things, surrounded with my memories and pictures, setting up my kids rooms with their toys and books and just being myself with out a mask on all the time. As my sister loving pointed out to me God is being merciful with me and slowly showing me how to be content in all situations and removing the barriers from around me. As the song Sweetly Broken says, "drawing me gently to my knees, holy surrender." Tears for frustration and sadness and even anger stain my cheeks as I wonder when I will see the fruit in this experience. I know in my head that it is for my good and I trust with my heart that His ways are perfect. And I write this entry to let you, my friends and family, know better how to pray for me and to even better know my heart. Sorry to ramble, thanks for caring and loving me. Promise some pictures next time.